So Im growing up and shit. You people dont really get to see it becfause i dont cxome here nearly as much asd i should. Ironically between poon,hanging with friends,playing video games and working my entry level ass off id be here here more often. Such is life. The skinny on it all is as follows. I FINALLY learned to let go of shit. So many things I tried not caring, not giving a fuck and breaking something off in the asses of fools but really, letting shit go is realxing as hell. another way of saying itis as follows for fucks sake, give me the strength to change the things i can, the fortitude to move past the shit i cant change< mostly nouns> and the super hard toget ability to know the difference. Its more than that though, I always felt like i had to be vigilant and shit, what a waste of time. and the funny thing is everything i want neveer came to me until i let go of that soldier in waiting thought process. seriously everything i tried to make happen has come naturally by ot putting all of me into it. i guess im too much. anyway brittany and dani are in love with me fully and in their own little ways. smoking up n banging one night did it for dani. i gotta say the shit was excellent. when iput my mind to something it usually turns out epic sized in one way or another. in either scenario not playing the game, rather, my tendancy to try and overload and taker the game out of the equation, not doing that has paid off.bottom line i rarely relaxed before now and trying to hold up a set of sometimes conflicting and always cumbersome ideals is more fight than its worth. truly growing up and growing up wells, accepting what you cant do and who you cant saver and worrying about the shit you can do n fix anyway heres some bulliten shit What up motherfuckers? Not shit here really. Im still in love with like six women who refuse to take me seriously. Mainly cause I tried that commitment thing out a couple times now and it just doesnt seem to click. But also cause Im no where near a safe bet. I mean, i look like one, sometimes I even act like one but the danger, funny fun times doesnt translate well in todays economy. Ah well Im fine where im at in life, just not where I work....or where i live.....hey you know what fuck you. Its fine, really, im fine. Now go away.
Just kidding. Im having fun being me even though itll never get you anywhere. Nights usually suck.
The B chick doesnt stick around to talk enough and the d chick is usually getting smothered by a big spliffy J. The a chicks still living with a hackey sack of a b man and black a doesnt know where to go or what to do with herself ifg you ask me. The C chick squeezed too hard , well one too hard one not the right thing. Goddamn rookies.
Anyway if it werent for women I ne'er have a problem at all. cept murdering dudes. seriously, if there was a shortage on women id have garotted one of you dudes. anyway im about to work a holliday double. ftw so here it is and there you have it ladies and gentlemen. JME has most definately reached another level of growing up,. it might sound like a cop out especially for an angry fight it all till the bitter end type of guy like myself but really, fuck it. I might go back to school, theres even a minscule chance i could be president of SOMETHING one day, or, blow the planet up. hey, you never know.
Anyway point being that i really n truly dont give a shit in ways that i never knew could be so healthy,. I don't care if this girls trying to make me into the father of her children or that ones trying to use me to make that one crazy asshole jealous. See it isnt that i dont care so much as im just accepting things for what they are. people die, people get hurt n no matter how hard you try theres no stopping that finality. same wityh relationships. every good thing comes to an end. so instead of trying to mismanage shit into what you thinks the best I have an idea for you. shut the fuck up n enjoy what is for what it is. it wont be there forever any fucking way and last time i checked you arent immortal. so uh, ive it up, stop the create a perfect life thing and dont worry about giving uyour kids the best chance they could possibly have soi much as loving them for whatever they are. i wish they could teach acceptance without looking like dicks in school. theres a balance missing between bitterness and just accepting that everything wont always be great. between ambition and ruinging your shit on some impossible task thatll suck yyour life up while youre not loooking. between polyamorous relationships being called a whore. fuck it man. wear a condom and accept your shit. Being a grown ass mans working well for me. It isnt all picture perfect and without flaw but really, letting go has been the best thing ive ever accomplished in life.
Seriously. Holding people at bay and pining for true love are gone. Fears gone within reason. Things happen regardless of what you do, people get hurt and people die. Im not sure what klind of drug vigience was or where it came from but im glad to be off it and relaxing. no heroes, no princesses, no reward for undying loyalty and sacrifice.
Not a hint of bitterness that they are gone either.
I can relax the tension wasnt win. Now im whole n shit without too much the caring. And its funny how the good times roll in once you reach this paltue, before tho they would always knock me down. get me locked into a wheel of obligation, hopes wants and desires. Attachment. that fierce sense of belonging was a death trap. do not belong just fucking be. The less I hold onto things the better and more frequently good does come. Im not even kidding when i say that this is the shit religions start out with, before they are misread into mindfuck. this is the way for reals yo.
I aint even mad at you, why bother being mad unless youre doing somerthing in the now? move on along with your shit and let things be good as they can without forcing a thing. You werent in control in the first place. money controls money nature controls nature. you dont have to pick a poison ftw gently | 
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